Wine.

I bloody love wine.*
White, red, rose, £2.99 bottles, box wine, expensive wine, sparkling wine. Wine. I freaking love it.
Now I am quite ashamed to say that I know jack shit about it. Not only did I spend six months working in an upmarket wine bar but I was also romantically involved with the manager of a wine shop for quite some time. Don't get me wrong I have been told things about wine: I have been told to swirl it, smell it, look at it's 'legs', taste it, drink it with ice, drink it without ice. I have listened to hours about the different regions wine comes from, how the grapes were prepared, why a screw top is superior to a cork. I did not listen to any of this, you know why? Here's why. Imagine a small child having their favourite toy dangled in front of their face, the dangler isn't allowing them to touch it until they explain why it's the best or worst toy in the world. The kid doesn't give a crap, they just want their effing toy. Well folks, I am that child and wine is my toy. (that sounds a bit wrong)
You see, what I've noticed about wine-lovers who care about that sort of stuff is that they won't allow you to taste it until they've told you about it's mother, hobbies, and horrifically gory birth. This, in my eyes, is selfish. Just give us the god damned wine! I can guarantee I would have listened to everything I have been told over the past five years about wine if I hadn't been teased. No one drinks wine and things 'mmmm, I can certainly taste the South of France in this'! No, they drink it and think 'amazing, by the end of this bottle I will either be crying over my shoes or telling that mildly attractive man that I love him'. With the latter wine is serving it's purpose!
Now before you judge me I do know some things about wine. I know that if a bottle is reduced from £10 to a fiver then it is good, that you should steer clear of ones just labelled "white wine" as they're clearly not committing to the cause, big dip in the bottom = class, and that before you even consider that uptight and braggy £20 bottle consider how many humble bottles you can buy for that. Who knows, you might actually have fun and forget about your innate desire to tell people about the wine's life story. You might even end up sharing eight bottles with someone, and somehow end up back at your flat thirteen hours later playing dream phone and forgetting that the day even happened.**
I believe that people like me are the true lovers of wine. We are not shallow or showy, we believe that it's a person's (or wine's) personality that counts, and really gets through to you at the end of the day.
So, people, next time you see a bottle of wine that may have not had the best upbringing or be from the poshest part of town, give it a chance, recognise it's potential, because it's wine too.






*oddly writing this sober
**based on true events.