Yo
readers! I may only have 5 followers but I know there's more than that, I read
my stats yo. So I'm writing this on the way to work at 7.30am. It's an evil
time. It's cold, it's dark, and the bus is packed with kids. Joys of
commuting.
So basically
the main reason for this blog is to an update, as I'm ever conscious that I
went from regular updates in Poland to radio silence with a couple of 'I hate
reality' posts. The thing is, since July life has changed considerably.
In this
day and age it's easy to look at Facebook and Twitter and assume that
everything is hunky dory with your friends. And don't get me wrong, things are
pretty amazing when you stand back and take a look, but things got a
little dark for a while there during our final months of 2014. I felt things
closing in, panicked that I was failing because I wasn't as far along with
things as my friends are. That I was still in a job making ends meet rather
than seeing my salary as a bonus after a day of simply doing what I love.
Going
into Leeds became a chore, social outings became a struggle. I was
constantly aware of myself and worrying about how I was being perceived by
others. I was on the verge of tears everyday and just couldn't lift myself. At
one point I felt like my head was turning against me. But then, as if by magic,
the cloud lifted and the days became easier, after one little change; and
I took a step back on New Year's Eve and looked at what 2014 had given me and
felt overwhelmingly grateful and determined to get back to the mindset I was in
at the end of 2013. Not a bad brain to go into a new year with I say.
Despite
these revelations I have realised that anxiety is something which I've always
had, I just didn't know it. I used to get panic attacks when I lived up north,
but assumed it was 'just a phase'. They stopped when I moved here and started
doing all these exciting things but the feelings that were causing this were
still there. It's just something in going to deal with forever. But I'm kinda
ok with that, I'm just seeing it as the curse of having a brilliant mind. Cause
yeah, my mind's totes brillopads. I went there.
What I've
established about the past couple of years is that if 2013 was my year of
figuring out who I am, then 2014 was about figuring out who I'm not. Here I was
going to list everything I'm not, but I've decided against it. I've dwelled on
these things too much, now it's time to focus on what I discovered in 2013 and
embrace it. 2015 is the year of adventures and using everything I know in a
positive and hopefully inspiring way.
So now
that that bit's off my chest here's the update. Between August and December
2014 I went on some awesome adventures, saw the North Sea again (I never
thought I'd romanticise the North Sea), saw family, friends, and fell in love.
That last bit has been an amazing whirlwind. We're going to Poland next month
for our first bit of travelling together and I'm so excited.
So
instead of boring you further here are some photos from the last few months
with the people that I love.
One last
thing though... Some of you may notice I’ve changed my blog’s tagline to “what
happens after the dream come true”. I think the answer to that is another one. And
then another, and another. Life doesn’t begin and end with one dream, good things
happen constantly, and it’s hardly much of a dream come true if you revert back
to your doldrums at the end of it. I mean, at the end of the day, we are still
yet to experience some of the best days of our lives. How exciting is that?!
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