Drench Yourself in Words Unspoken

Today, at work, I came out of the closet.
No, I am not a lesbian, though there is nothing wrong with that. I mean I came out in the sense that I told someone that I was a writer. I feel like I have a lot of nerve calling myself that right now, as all I have written since Uni is some very corny and badly written blogs. But it was oddly nice to show someone that there is in fact a lot more to me than the shy girl who sits behind the pillar, keeps her head down, and works her butt off.
It made me realise that it was about time that I cashed in on my (debatable) talents. Perhaps I made it a hobby? Instead of saying 'I'm doing nothing this weekend' I say 'the usual, writing, gym'ing, you know.' (all pretentiously...)

I also had a freak out today. I was having a look at one bedroom flats in certain cities in England, and the main question I was asking myself when looking at them was "should things get lonely, could I stay there alone?". I freaked out, how would I cope living alone in a new place with no close friends? Until I realised, it wouldn't be much different to life right now. Out of my large group of close friends there are a small handful left in Aberdeen, most of whom I rarely have the privilege of time to see anymore. Why should it be so terrifying to move away? If they're real friends I know I'll see them whenever possible and it'll go back to the way it was. I'm still on the fence of leaving, but I know that if certain things (read: people) hadn't happened last Spring I would have left in May. I have never wanted to stay in Aberdeen, not since I was 17 and choosing universities, and whilst I am so very very glad that I did in the end, I can't help but think it's time to jump.
I am still very young, and at risk of making an immature and misinformed decision, choosing passion over sense, so I would like to hear from you. Especially if you've moved away from what you know to a brand new place, knowing no one, what have been/were your experiences, how did you cope, was it hard, did it get worse or better? I'd really like to know. Answers on a postcard please. Or if you're not into snail mail pop it in the comments thingy, a facebook message, or even an email (shkat_1989@hotmail.com). Most of all I want to know what you think, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (please).

And with that I am going to stop procrastinating from doing other lifey type things and say peace out my beautiful people.

Come what May...

The average life is full of near misses and absolute hits. Of great love and small disasters. It's made up of banana milkshakes, loft insulation and random shoes. It's dead ordinary and truly, truly amazing. What you've got to realize is, it's all here, now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole. Because take it from me: life just whizzes by, and then, all of a sudden it's-

Tonight I was all ready to write out everything that has been on my mind since the start of 2012. I composed it all on my walk home from my dads, but when it came down to writing it I couldn't get the words to flow. So this is what I am going to write instead, and I hope it explains things almost as well as the cold harsh truth would. I guess sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper.

May 2011, when everyone was packing to move back home, handing in their last pieces of coursework, and saying their final goodbyes, I was happy with my decision to stay behind. I gave myself a year of living, working, and figuring things out. So far, the only thing I've done is work. I guess it depends on your definition of living, but I would say I have been surviving rather than truly living. 

Come May my lease is up in my flat and so is my year.And at that time I have a choice of two paths to take. To say I'm swaying towards one rather than the other would be a lie, I don't know what I am going to do. What I do know is that life is short, it's fantastic and exciting, but also terrifying, and dangerous, and there is so much pressure to do the right things, at the right moments. To spend it with the right people. What people don't tell you is how difficult it is figuring out what the right things are for you, and how that can take up a large amount of the short time you are given in itself. 

I wanted to spend the year figuring things out, and now that I am 9 months into my year and 3 months from my deadline all I have figured out is that I have no idea what I am doing once my 'Gap' year is over. A fact that should excite me is terrifying me daily. How will I pay my bills? How will I survive? Where will I live? And possibly the most perplexing question on my mind, where do I go from here?

I read an article about a girl who's brother died at 23, and so she made a list of everything she wanted to achieve by the time she was that age. Her optimism and positivity astounded me; I couldn't imagine ever being so hopeful or happy or upbeat should I lose my only sibling. Nevertheless, it inspired me to do something similar. My list is no where near as ambitious or as life changing as hers, but it might set me on the right track, maybe I'll figure something out in doing so. So, instead of sitting on my arse in bed nightly doing nothing but watching crappy reality TV and eating, here begins my 3 month plan. I am 23 in April, but my 'gap' year ends mid-May. If I have achieved at least half of these things by then, then I may be able to say that this year has been a success.

So here goes, Katharine Sophia's road to 'figuring things out':

1. Complete a TEFL course. It is something I have wanted to do for a while now, and so long as I get my ass into gear organising my ILA I can get it free whilst I live in Scotland.
2. Submit a story or three to writing magazines, papers, and various other publications. I am happiest when I am writing, and I know it is something I will always be passionate about. But lately my efforts have been non existent and I seem to just be waiting for something that won't happen unless I make it happen.
3. Health. This is a big one. I am out of shape in more ways than one and that is something which has been going on for far too long now and I'm getting to the point where I know if I don't do something now I never will.
4. Learn to drive. I got lessons for my 21st birthday and never cashed them in, mainly because I needed to get new glasses (which I of course put off). But I need to learn, even if I can't afford a car, it's a skill I want to have. Plus, I miss learning things.
5. Save £1000. I need some sort of savings behind me, my scholarship ended up going on living after I quit my job in 4th year and it would be nice to have something in the bank for emergencies. This is going to be difficult, as I am notorious for being awful with money, but it's a necessity. 
6. Do something for charity. I have been wanting to do a fundraiser for the Butterfly Cancer Trust for ages but haven't been able to settle on an idea for it. It's not a charity for butterflies with cancer, just to be clear, it's for thyroid cancer, as many of you will know is a cause which is close to my heart.

Everything else is a little grey right now, but it's a start. And it's a start that I need.

As for May, god only knows what will happen. But I think we can all agree that 22 is far far too young to be worrying like this and it's time to start living and stop merely surviving.

Peace out lovelies.